Lost in the Darkness

 

(a post from four years ago)

 

            Robin Williams died on August 11, 2014 from suicide. It’s hard to believe that it’s been that long.

 

Williams was dealing with Lewy body dementia that progresses quickly and is marked by depression, anxiety, paranoia, and hallucinations. His death brought light to a difficult subject, and the discussions I heard afterward spoke of the mental illness aspect of suicide. Recent studies have taken the blame off those who kill themselves, and removed the guilt from family and friends who felt there was something more they could have done to save them.

 

Birds

 Birds of a Feather: A Children’s Story of Love, Loss, and What Came Next, by Tom Crice, illustrated by Ellen Rakatansky, 2018.

 

            The two biggest problems when a child is grieving is that the child’s feelings are often discounted and that adults try to protect the child from feeling pain by lying to them about what happened.

It's Not the Color

Dying, Not Dying

 Can I speak about dying if I’m not dying, or do all my thoughts stay speculative rather than grounded in reality? At least, I don’t think I’m dying, and my oncology doctor says I won’t die from prostate cancer. Yet, sometimes men do. The American Cancer Society expects that 288,300 American men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2023, and 34,700 men will die.

The River of Grief

“The river of grief is the heart of the ocean that continues to surge after the ocean is gone.”                                              - Mark Liebenow

Seeing Our Life in a New Way

 Ralph Waldo Emerson, Henry David Thoreau, and William James were thinkers and writers, and each of them faced the traumatic death of a person they loved. They responded to grief differently, but the deaths caused them to change direction and each discovered his life’s work. 

 

Prostate Distillate

 

If you’re a man, you are likely to develop prostate cancer at some point. This will generally happen when you’re older/old, and in most cases, it will be so slow growing that you will die of something else before your prostate becomes a problem. That’s good news.

Walking West with Grief essay

New Essay Published!

 

I’m delighted to share the news that one of my essays about hiking in Yosemite to deal with my wife’s death was published this week by Under the Sun Literary Journal.

 

It’s called “Walking West with a Mountain,” and you can read it using this link:

 

https://underthesunonline.com/wordpress/2023/683-2/

 

The Braided River

“Rivulets of love run through the canyons of my heart, 

along with streams of grief.

They intertwine and flow together with the hours 

            through thunderstorms and warm days,

            under full moons and new,

and nourish the green meadows.

Nature’s River of Life flows down through the solitude

of ancient mountains, 

with tributaries that join in from the sides

that bear compassion, humility, hope. 

The creeks and streams are braided into One River

and flow to others when they are needed.

There are many streams but one river.”

 

                                                Mark Liebenow

 

Earth Day, April 22—the legacy of Senator Gaylord Nelson of Wisconsin.

Today

 

It’s about this day. It has always been about this day. It’s what we do today that matters. If we do nothing new today, then yesterday, and all the holy days that came before it, amount to nothing. If we do not go through this day with “love, compassion, and empathy for others,” as my friend Sasha says, then what have we learned?

River Dawn

 

"Water breaks rock down, becomes tree. Grief breaks life down, becomes river."

Mark Liebenow

Pieces of the Puzzle

 One of the things I love about Lynn Haraldson’s book is that it shows how everyone’s journey through grief is different, and in profound ways. If you think that you understand the grief memoir territory after reading one grief memoir (although I do applaud you for taking this step), or even if you’ve read ten grief memoirs, you would be wrong, because each memoir is the story of a life, and each life is a cornucopia of experiences, discoveries, and struggles. Each story is a journey through a different wilderness. Stories like this are told from the heart, and there are never enough of them. 

Laughter and Grief

 

The Troglodytes of Whimsy and Mercy

(This is from my essay that was published in Huffington Post a few years ago.)

For the most part, death isn’t funny.

 

“Grief” and “humor” aren’t often used in the same sentence. There are moments in the beginning of grief when we’re laughing hysterically, but generally that’s in the middle of the night and it’s not a happy sound. Or we’re laughing while standing by ourselves in the woods holding on to a tree to keep from falling down. Or we’re in the shower staring at the soap for five minutes. These moments are more about trying not to cry than anything funny.

 

Listening Again

 Sackcloth and ashes. Do we really need this?

 

If you’re grieving, you’re already feeling low and depressed about life, and there’s probably some anger and loneliness mixed in.

 

But today is Ash Wednesday, and Christians use this day to think about all the ways that they have messed up over the last year, where they feel broken, and how they have hurt others. It’s a day that lends itself to dwelling in dark basements.

 

We Will Draw Strength From Our Memories

 

Grief's Landscape

Grief’s landscape is as much a wilderness as the one in nature. To understand, we have to walk with them and listen.     - Mark Liebenow

The New Year Turning

The New Year is a turning from those who died last year. 

It's also a turning to.

                                               Mark Liebenow

The Woods at Dusk

 

In late December the woods are quiet at dusk. 

 

I stand in my backyard lost in the mystery of trees. Two squirrels chase each other through the snow and gathering shadows. I listen to trees creak in the breeze, and hear the soft click-click-click of empty sunflower shells landing on each other, dropped by wrens and finches at the feeder. The magenta of sunset flares across the sky then shifts to rose and deepens to the radiant night blue of the cosmos. 

 

Slow Us Down

Slow us down.

Life has become hectic again. There is too much that we have to do, and so much that we want to do, and the holidays have added on more activities. We want to step away from the tasks and deadlines for a moment and just breathe.

 

Halig Daeg

 

The Light and Darkness of Holidays          

 

            If we lost someone this year, the holidays are going to be traumatic. We won’t want to celebrate anything, and all the happiness being thrown around like confetti will only push us further into our dark rooms. What we want is for the holidays to be over, and we will try to ignore them as best as we can.

 

            Holidays used to be regarded as Holy Days (Old English – halig daeg), a time of centering and remembering. They offered people a chance to pause in their rushing about, look at their lives, figure out what they didn’t like about them, listen for spiritual guidance to make desired changes, and head off energized with a fresh wind in their sails.