Rolling the Stone

 

There are stones we put in our pockets to remind us of where our life has turned, as well as of the times it has surprised us. “Well, today was certainly a Stone to remember!”

 

There are question stones that we hold in our hands, turn them over, and ponder the what ifs, the maybes, the perhaps. 

 

When someone dies, Caroline Fish says, grief can feel heavy, like a boulder, and at other times it seems more like a pebble, a pebble that we will carry with us always.

 

Faith and Grieving

If you’re grieving and a person of faith, no matter what religion you follow, you are probably torn between how you think you should feel and how you actually do. You sense a distance between the assurance of faith and the raw emotions of death. 

Walking the Desert Road

After the horror of Good Friday, after the utter despair of Holy Saturday, after the unexpected joy of Easter Sunday, came Monday morning when the disciples wondered what they were to do now.

The future they envisioned had come crashing down, and their leader, the person they loved, was gone. But they had changed because of him and, sink or swim, they were resolved to continue on and make the dream real. 

Dying and Grief

Book: Kate Bowler, Everything Happens For a Reason And Other Lies I’ve Loved

Most of the grief memoirs in bookstores are about dying. They’re not about grieving someone who has died. I don’t know why. Grieving goes on longer than dying, in most cases, yet both are epic journeys of fighting to survive. We gain insights and wisdom by reading both.

Public Grief and Joe Biden

My essay on the importance of public grief and Joe Biden. At the Huffington Post.

 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-liebenow/5-reasons-joe-bidens-public-grief-was-important_b_9264762.html

Searching For Joy

Grief, Play, and Religion

Joy is really hard to muster when we’re grieving.

So is smiling. And if we let ourselves feel any joy, we then feel incredibly guilty for taking pleasure in something that our loved ones no longer can. In the beginning of grief, it’s a struggle just to get through the day.

Questioning Faith

Journal entry 18

If I had unquestioning faith, I’d sluff off Ev’s death like the missionary in Peru whose wife and son died when their aircraft was mistakenly shot down as a drug plane. He forgave everyone and said that God was showing him something, so he was grateful. 

Faith doesn’t amount to much until it’s tested. 

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How to Help Those Who are Grieving

What can you say to a person who is grieving? 

What can you do for them?  

What should you not say?

 

You can say, I am here if you need me. Call me at any time and I will come over. I may not have any answers, but I am willing to sit with you, listen, and help you sort through your thoughts and find answers. 

 

You can say, can I come over for a cup of coffee?

 

You can help by offering to do specific tasks like bringing meals, cleaning up around the house, and going on errands. People who are grieving may have no interest in eating or being out in public to shop for groceries because they’re afraid of breaking down and crying.

 

You should not say that you understand what they are feeling, or that you know what they need, especially if you haven’t grieved, and if you haven’t listened to them share their thoughts and feelings. While there are commonalities in grieving, everyone’s grief is unique.

 

If the person who died had been ill for a long time, you should not tell the survivors that they should be happy because the person’s suffering is over, or that he or she is now in heaven. This may be true, but it doesn't lessen the loss they feel. An enormous hole now exists in their lives




Grief is about missing someone who is no longer here. 

 

You should not say that if their faith were strong enough, they would not feel any sorrow. If you are inclined to say things like this, take a moment and read the Psalms. Notice how emotional those great writers of faith were, how many doubts they had, how great was their despair and anger, how they ranted and yelled at God, and how they had God’s blessing to do so. 




Faith without doubts is a shell.

The Geography of Grief

My friend John, who was struggling with the death of his wife, said grief had become the landscape of his religion.

He’s right. With the death of a loved one, the landscape around us completely changes. Even the sunlight looks different when we walk outside. It seems muted, and the colors of the world have shifted to darker tones.

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