Love Before Grief

In grief we focus on how a relationship ends and all of the sorrow. We forget how the relationship began, the uncertainties, our timidity, the rush of excitement. Our utter delight and joy. In addition to thinking about the larger context of grief and death in society, it’s also important to remember our personal stories of heart. This is how Evelyn and I began.

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I first saw Evelyn at a conference in Santa Rosa, a year after I moved from Wisconsin to California for graduate school. She was singing a solo while I was performing short dramas in a mime troupe. (I know what you’re thinking. It’s okay. I studied classical Balinese mime with Leonard Pitt.) The power and purity of her voice spun my head around to watch a beautiful, young woman. She noticed me, too, and wondered what lay beneath my rainbow suspenders. I took note, but didn’t know who to ask to introduce us.

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Cabin in Grief's Forest

February 11, 2009

My heart has been broken and love has died, but I will survive with the compassion of friends.




The kindness of others has kept me going when my wife Evelyn suddenly died. I did not know what to do, and could find no resources that explained grief's journey — what it would feel like or how long it would take. So I went searching and found answers.

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