Third Path For Grief

Book: It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand, Megan Devine

            Our culture hides from grief. We no longer know how to take care of those who are grieving, and we expect people to get over grief quickly and get back to work. Megan Devine wants people to listen to their emotions, and she wants grief acknowledged as a normal part of life. She talks about this in her book It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand.

Grief Dinners

What if you threw a potluck dinner for friends, and everyone who came was grieving? Cool, right! Well, cool if you had lost someone, because finally you would have people to talk to who understood.

An organization called “The Dinner Party” invites people who are grieving to potluck dinners. Gatherings have been hosted in cities across the country, and currently there are gatherings in more than 60 cities, with a few smaller towns in the mix.

            This is not grief therapy; it’s grief support. 

When Everything Is Not Okay

Book: Everything is Not Okay, Megan Devine

An audio book that invites the newly bereaved to enter their grief and see where it leads them.

Megan notes that everyone has an opinion about how people should grieve, even those who have never lost someone. Ignore them, she says. No one can tell you how you need to grieve; only you can determine that. We also have our own guilt trips to deal with, the “shoulds” that we pile on ourselves. Getting beyond the shoulds is one of the first tasks that grievers face so that we can hear what we actually need.

Beyond Food and Shelter

Two of my essays appeared today. Modern Loss published an account of my first Valentine’s Day after my wife died. http://modernloss.com/day-lovers-without-mine/

Open to Hope published an essay about the Refuge in Grief support community. It also includes an overview of grief resources. http://www.opentohope.com/the-fierce-tribe-of-after-grief-with-attitude/

"As the arts inspire creativity in each of us individually, they breathe life into our communities."            Julia Garnett

Two events five years ago this week remind me that there is more to life than having a roof over your head and enough food to eat. As crucial as they are, they aren’t enough. It also reminds me how we, who are normally self-centered, rally for our communities when disaster strikes.

* If you would like to read the rest of this post, let me know and I’ll send it to you. *

Comfort in a Time of Grief

There is little comfort when we’re deep in grief. When we’re done actively grieving, it’s different. But not completely, and it comes so slowly.

It will never be all right with me that Evelyn suffered for years with physical aches and pains, worked hard to recover and was almost back to full health when she died of an unknown heart problem. She was only in her forties when she died. I was bitter about that then, and I’m bitter about that now.

* If you would like to read the rest of this post, let me know and I’ll send it to you. *

            (A version of this was first published by Refuge in Grief.)