Delayed

My post this week is delayed because I had an idea at the last minute that would make it a better post. So that will appear when it’s done. 

In the meantime, check out the compassionate post that Elaine Mansfield put up yesterday on her site. It’s about how we face the moment when someone’s life is about to end. 

This is the link: https://elainemansfield.com/2019/facing-deepest-fear/

Hospice Journey

If someone you love has died, you may be familiar with hospice. If you aren’t, a good and compassionate introduction is a new book by Larry Patten, A Companion for the Hospice Journey. Patten carefully lays out what hospice is, what the different people on the hospice team do (doctor, nurse, social worker, home health aide, chaplain), and answers the common questions people have.

On Dying

I don’t often write about the dying side of death’s continental divide. There’s enough on grief’s side of the mountain to occupy me. But my cat Minya is currently in assisted living and keeps reminding me of my father’s last months. He would not like the comparison—not a cat person. She also reminds me of Atul Gawande’s insightful book, Being Mortal.

Retiring Into the Forest

I am not happy with my parents. Or my wife’s parents. Or your parents, even though I’ve never met them, because they’re probably like mine. 

Throughout our lives, we’re always planning ahead for what comes next. Getting our ducks in order. Then we retire and stop making adjustments. We settle into a comfortable routine and let life go on without us. Except that life doesn’t stop changing.

Thinking Ahead About the Unthinkable

            I do not understand people’s reluctance to talk about end-of-life matters. Do we think that by talking about dying we send an invitation to Death? 

            We’re all going to die, and we know this. We also expect that our parents will die before us, although enough children die early to give us pause. When I looked at the obituaries in the local newspaper, I was surprised to find that 25% of the people who died were under the age of 60.

End of Life

The best time to talk

about end of life matters

is when we aren’t in cardiac arrest.

Mark Liebenow

End Talks

We’ve all heard people say something like, “Don’t talk about death. Death is morbid.” So we don’t. And because we don’t talk about it, when death comes to someone we know, we’re not ready. We don’t know what to do or say.