Is There No Death?

             On anniversaries of death, we are faced with a choice, especially if our loved ones died more than a year ago. We can’t just say that it was great knowing them and move on, because we are still attached to the beauty and light that we saw in them. We also can’t give up on life and just mourn, because each day of life is precious. We learned this when our loved ones fought to live one more day.

One Year

 How does one observe the first anniversary of a loved one’s death? Hair shirts and gruel, or do we lean back on the porch with a six-pack of beer and nostalgia?

 

Getting through the first year is a major accomplishment, not that we had a choice. We did what we had to do to survive, but it has taken courage, hard work, and the help of others. It’s difficult to believe that an entire year has passed because it seems like they have just died. Yet so much has happened in 12 months that it also seems like a long time ago. It doesn’t matter whether they were a spouse, partner, child, parent, or friend, their death was traumatic, and we have struggled with a host of emotions like anger, frustration, loneliness, and depression that threatened to overwhelm us. Although shock and numbness have buffered much of the pain, we still feel the deep, unrelenting ache of their absence.

 

When the Spirit Opens

“I don’t know when the spirit opens itself to the river.” Kathleen Dean Moore

            I wondered about this movement of the spirit when I sat by Evelyn’s bed in the ICU years ago. Was she still present, or had she departed and now existed somewhere else? Neurological tests done yesterday indicated no activity in her brain. The doctors said the machines were keeping her body alive until they could repeat the tests 24 hours later. 

Letting Go

It doesn’t matter what the death is that tears our world apart. It could be the death of a spouse, a parent, a sibling or a stillborn baby. The loss of someone who was central to our daily existence leaves us wandering around in a daze wondering what we do next.

Turning Away

When loved ones die, we eventually have to turn away from them if we are going to move on with our lives. It’s not one big turning we do, but hundreds of small movements, and some are made for us.

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I turned away when I took that first breath in the ICU and you did not.