Every Wednesday

Every other Wednesday, I will post a reflection on the entire landscape of grief. This blog isn't just for widowers. It's for everyone who grieves. I want to encourage people to share their stories and compassion with each other, build up a community of support, and help those who have never grieved understand the trauma that death brings.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Loving Differently


This is a reflection not on romantic love, but love. 

Valentine’s Day is a time of honoring and celebrating not only the love we have for one special person, but for many people, and how we love each in a different way. You can also call this love compassion or kindness. 

This is my Valentine’s card to you.


I love you, even though we have never met. I love you because you have suffered a terrible loss and are grieving. I know how important it is to feel love from other people, even people you don’t know.

* If you would like to read the rest of this post, let me know and I’ll send it to you. *


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10 comments:

  1. Beautiful words. Thank you for putting Valentine's Day in a different light. Good to remember it takes courage not only to be the griever, but also to reach out, and not know how you will be received. The tears flow freely, as I read. Again.

    Thank you.

    Sheryl Selch

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  2. Also wanted to say, this post is especially touching, as over the weekend, we took our annual trip to Orcas Island, this time, in honor of Martin's birthday. He would have been 50. As his birthday falls so close to Valentine's day, the 2 days flowed together for us, and one forever reminds me of the other.
    Sheryl

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    1. It's nice that the two days go together for you. I could see where one would dampen the celebration of the other. And yet, you would be remembering Martin in similar ways on both days, so, yay! But I'm sorry to hear that he didn't reach his 50th birthday. That seems like such a significant milestone in any life. My Evelyn didn't reach it either, and that still bothers me.

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  3. I'll try again because my comment didn't post. Please erase this if it's a repeat. I'm grateful for this beautiful piece on love because it doesn't focus on the heart-filled romantic-love of Valentine's Day. Instead, you speak of a wider and broader love that reaches everyone and everything. I aim for this but can't always pull it off. Forever practicing.

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    1. Thank you, Elaine. I think that if we start off each day with this openness of compassion for everyone, we do better, rather than waiting for some event where compassion is needed. Someone may have just needed a smile from a stranger, but we weren't focused on this yet. And on some days, when nothing is going right (burned toast, flat tire), it's harder to feel compassion for anyone, even ourselves.

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  4. Best for me to begin the day with tonglen practice and create an intention to take in the suffering of all and wish for the happiness of all. If I'm in the airport and the plane is canceled or I get a rejection or something hurtful happens, I remember how many others are struggling over similar or harder issues and how we all want peace and happiness. It all helps. Little by little. The love grows.

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    1. Breathe in the suffering, breathe out compassion. And the love grows. Yes.

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    2. This is so lovely. I would love to bookmark and read often. Thank you. My husband passed 15 mos ago. He, too, was 49. Our Anniversary is 2/18.

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    3. Thank you, Wendy. I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. And I'm sorry to hear that he died when he was 49, not that 50 would have been any better or easier to bear. To me it made a difference because 49 cries out "too soon." I hope that you are doing okay in your second year; so different from the first, yet still not what we want. I will keep you in my thoughts and heart.

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