Who I am.

I write about the landscape of grief, nature, and the wisdom of fools. The author of four books, my essays, poems, and reviews have been published in over 50 journals, including in the Huffington Post and Colorado Review. I’ve won the River Teeth Nonfiction Book Award, the Chautauqua and Literal Latte’s essay prizes, and my work has been nominated for four Pushcart Prizes and named a notable by Best American Essays. My account of hiking in Yosemite to deal with my wife’s death, Mountains of Light, was published by the University of Nebraska Press. http://www.markliebenow.com.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Loving Differently


This is a reflection not on romantic love, but love. 

Valentine’s Day is a time of honoring and celebrating not only the love we have for one special person, but for many people, and how we love each in a different way. You can also call this love compassion or kindness. 

This is my Valentine’s card to you.


I love you, even though we have never met. I love you because you have suffered a terrible loss and are grieving. I know how important it is to feel love from other people, even people you don’t know.

* If you would like to read the rest of this post, let me know and I’ll send it to you. *


Related Post

There Isn't Much Time http://widowersgrief.blogspot.com/2010/07/going-for-walk.html
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10 comments:

  1. UnknownFebruary 12, 2015 at 10:00 AM

    Beautiful words. Thank you for putting Valentine's Day in a different light. Good to remember it takes courage not only to be the griever, but also to reach out, and not know how you will be received. The tears flow freely, as I read. Again.

    Thank you.

    Sheryl Selch

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  2. UnknownFebruary 12, 2015 at 10:04 AM

    Also wanted to say, this post is especially touching, as over the weekend, we took our annual trip to Orcas Island, this time, in honor of Martin's birthday. He would have been 50. As his birthday falls so close to Valentine's day, the 2 days flowed together for us, and one forever reminds me of the other.
    Sheryl

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    1. Mark LiebenowFebruary 12, 2015 at 10:42 AM

      It's nice that the two days go together for you. I could see where one would dampen the celebration of the other. And yet, you would be remembering Martin in similar ways on both days, so, yay! But I'm sorry to hear that he didn't reach his 50th birthday. That seems like such a significant milestone in any life. My Evelyn didn't reach it either, and that still bothers me.

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  3. ElaineFebruary 17, 2015 at 9:53 AM

    I'll try again because my comment didn't post. Please erase this if it's a repeat. I'm grateful for this beautiful piece on love because it doesn't focus on the heart-filled romantic-love of Valentine's Day. Instead, you speak of a wider and broader love that reaches everyone and everything. I aim for this but can't always pull it off. Forever practicing.

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    1. Mark LiebenowFebruary 17, 2015 at 12:05 PM

      Thank you, Elaine. I think that if we start off each day with this openness of compassion for everyone, we do better, rather than waiting for some event where compassion is needed. Someone may have just needed a smile from a stranger, but we weren't focused on this yet. And on some days, when nothing is going right (burned toast, flat tire), it's harder to feel compassion for anyone, even ourselves.

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  4. ElaineFebruary 17, 2015 at 9:20 PM

    Best for me to begin the day with tonglen practice and create an intention to take in the suffering of all and wish for the happiness of all. If I'm in the airport and the plane is canceled or I get a rejection or something hurtful happens, I remember how many others are struggling over similar or harder issues and how we all want peace and happiness. It all helps. Little by little. The love grows.

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    1. Mark LiebenowFebruary 17, 2015 at 9:53 PM

      Breathe in the suffering, breathe out compassion. And the love grows. Yes.

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    2. WendyMarch 28, 2015 at 10:05 PM

      This is so lovely. I would love to bookmark and read often. Thank you. My husband passed 15 mos ago. He, too, was 49. Our Anniversary is 2/18.

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    3. Mark LiebenowMarch 28, 2015 at 10:19 PM

      Thank you, Wendy. I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. And I'm sorry to hear that he died when he was 49, not that 50 would have been any better or easier to bear. To me it made a difference because 49 cries out "too soon." I hope that you are doing okay in your second year; so different from the first, yet still not what we want. I will keep you in my thoughts and heart.

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