Each year we set out full of good intentions and resolutions. We set up plans for self improvement, with ideas and strategies for what we can do every day to make ourselves better (physically, mentally, spiritually). Take them with a pinch of salt. Rather than create a list of 20 things that you have to do every day (which I did for almost a year and ended up improved but more miserable than happy), resolve to do what nourishes you.
Eat nutritiously. Get enough sleep. Exercise. Feed your brain. Be kind to others.
That’s my list now. So much happens every day that is out of our control that we can spend all our time re-organizing our plans to fit the changes and we forget to live. We will never be as wise, compassionate, or beautiful as we want. There will always be something about us that could be improved. The energetic, enigmatic Jennifer Pastiloff says, “Life is messy.” And she’s right. We’re never going to get all our ducks in a row because they get bored and wander off. Our being perfect isn’t of much interest to our friends because they like surprises.
Happiness is celebrating what we have in this moment, not what we don’t.
It’s hard just to exist in this hour without thinking about something that happened yesterday, or last year, or thinking ahead about what might happen next and begin preparing for that. Then today is gone, the week is gone, and it’s a year later and we’re still preparing for a future that will be different from what we expected.
See how long you can live moment by moment, being fully present to what you are doing and the people around you, staying with the energy of each moment until it fades, before going on to the next moment. Would you make it to lunch?
Everything exists in this moment, with all possibilities, but nothing begins until we say yes to something and take the first step.
We can drift through life for a long time just getting by. And, with grief, we do need to step to the side for a time, figure out who and where we are, and let life flow on without us. Yet the longer we stand on the side watching life go by, the more settled we become living in the shadows, although we do feel bored. What we do with our life still matters.
In every moment, we are a blend of longing, wistfulness, hope, desire, passion, anger, joy, happiness, despair, and more. The emotion we choose to focus on shapes the course of our day.
Most of us don’t want to bother our friends when grief doesn’t seem to want to end, so we stay home and shut them out, especially when something is clenching our hearts so tightly that we find it hard to breathe. Yet our friends are waiting for us to open the door and invite them in.
If you are grieving, and people have offered to come over, or if you are just feeling lonely and would enjoy some company, call them up and ask them to come over.
Tell them you’re heating up water for tea.
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