Halloween: Our Day of the Dead

   

          Halloween! It’s that time of year when we have meaningful discussions about death and talk about the people we’ve lost. If only.

            You have probably bought all the candy that you think you’ll need (eaten some, had to buy more), and maybe put pumpkins and a bale of straw by your front door. Perhaps you’ve been working on sparkling costumes that express your fantasies or deny and deflect your fears. Originally known as All Hallows’ Eve, Halloween is the first of three days for memory, honor, and prayer on the Christian calendar. All Saints Day is on November 1, followed by All Souls Day on November 2.

 

Candles are often burned to hold light and warmth up against the lengthening darkness and growing cold of the coming winter months. On this night each year I go into the backyard, stand in the veiled light of a gossamer moon, and look into the cosmos to see where Ev’s light is traveling among the stars.

 

            In the northern hemisphere, late October and early November mark the end of the growing season and the bringing in of the harvest. Many cultures and religions have observances in this time that deal with the seasonal transitions and which invite people to enter the sacred space between this world and the next. It’s the perfect time for us to talk to each other about matters of death and grief, and most of us won’t. We also won’t open the door on the possibility of talking with our dead. Instead, on this night of poking fun at the horrors, we will open our doors and pass out candy to children dressed up as zombies, headless horsepeople, and demented leprechauns as if we are trying to prove that we’re not afraid of death.

 

The ancient Celtic people celebrated Samhain on the night of October 31st because they believed that the barrier between our world and the next thins to a veil, and the living and dead can see and communicate with each other. The Mexican people celebrate Día de los Muertos on Nov. 1-2 (Day of the Dead) to assist their loved ones on their spiritual journey, an observance that has roots in the Aztecs. Other cultures have celebrations at other times of the year to remember family members who have died and to pay their respects to Death, like the Obon festival in Japan and Sweeping the Grave in China.

 

            Our observances have roots in a time when people tried to ward off Death and the wandering, malevolent spirits that took family and friends away, often without warning. While modern medicine has subdued some of these spirits, we still fear the long-leggedy beasties and things that go bump in the night, because too many people we love have died unexpectedly, and too many have died young, for us to be confident that we will have a long life.

 

            If you lost someone this year, you may not want to participate in any celebration, and you don’t have to. Focus on what you need. Choose the observances that help you, and ignore the rest. 

 

            The flippant and commercial talk at Halloween can be brutal if you’re grieving, because it seems to trivialize death, and this is not what you’re feeling. It’s okay if you don’t want to give out candy to trick-or-treaters this year. It’s okay to turn off the porch light, close the curtains, and curl up with a movie on Netflix where the forces of light confront the forces of darkness and win, like Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings or Rowling’s Harry Potter.

 

            Rather than follow society’s consumer script, you can create your own personal rituals like lighting candles every night this week. Or set up a shrine with items significant to the one who died. Talk to your departed as if they can hear you because, as ancient cultures believed, they might. You can visit their graves or the places where their ashes were scattered, or do something that they liked, like going to a favorite restaurant or walking on the beach collecting curious stones and pieces of broken glass that have been polished into pebbles of beautiful colors.

 

            Find a quiet place for Halloween where you can remember and honor your dead. Share their stories with others, and listen for their presence in the sound of the wind and in the movement of the trees.