Everyone who grieves has had trusted friends who disappeared because they didn't know what to say or do for someone who is grieving, and they didn't want to say the wrong thing. Or they were uneasy around unpredictable emotions. Or they didn't want to feel helpless in helping someone stop crying. Or they hadn't worked through losing someone close to them in the past. Or they’re not good with emotions. Or they were scared.
There are many reasons not to take the risk. But they fall short when you care about someone.
Everyone should know what to do and say by now. This information is available on the Internet. There are grief memoirs they can read to help them understand the basics of every kind of loss—spouse, child, parent, sibling—cancer, heart attack, stillbirth, accident—(although still not so many are being written by men).
If they care about someone people need to trust their compassion to guide them. They won't be able to take someone’s grief or pain away, but they can sit and listen to someone so that they don’t feel so alone.
My new essay about this is at Rebelle Society, where I talk about the reaction that Christina Rasmussen received when she told someone that her work was helping people with grief: http://www.rebellesociety.com/2020/01/06/markliebenow-grief/
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