This is the second part of my
thoughts on the book, Option B, by
Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant.
When grievers feel ready to
move on and want ideas for how, Sheryl and Adam’s book is quite helpful. It’s
easy to read, informative, personal, engaging, and encouraging. I generally wouldn’t
recommend it, though, for the first year of grief.
The authors say that when our
planned Option A is no longer possible, look for Option B. I imagine there are
also Options C and D if B doesn’t work out. The point is that if we can’t have
our first choice, there are still other things in life that we would like. Each
chapter presents a step you can take, and provides the research and the
experiences of others to bring that concept to life.
“The disappearance of one possible self can free us to
imagine a new possible self.” (p. 91)
This is also partially a
memoir. The heart-rending stories of Sheryl Sandberg’s early struggles with
grief, the shock, chaos, and despair, are honest, and they appear throughout
the book. She shares an experience from her grieving, then steps back and says
what she learned from it, like “Grief has to unfold.” (p. 175).
Every day is a new day and we
have choices. We can choose to continue doing what we’ve been doing, or we can
choose to go in a new direction. While some things can’t be changed, other
things can. The future is not set in stone, as we have learned.
If you feel battered down and
stuck in a situation, acknowledge your emotions and find what helps you today.
Find the people who are supportive of how you’re feeling. Take a step forward
today. Take another step tomorrow. This builds hope on a foundation that is
real, and not just wishful thinking.
Having hope for the future makes a big difference. (p.
128)
The authors share four core
beliefs that we can teach children (as well as ourselves): 1-you have some control
over your life, 2-you can learn from failure, 3-you matter as a human being,
4-you have real strengths to rely on and share with others. (p. 111)
When we’re grieving, it’s
tremendously hard to go from Option A to Option B mostly because we don’t want
to. We don’t want to let go of Option A, because to go on with our lives feels
like a betrayal of our loved ones. There comes a time, though, when we know
that we have to move on. Even when we know that our loved ones would want us to
be happy again, it’s still not easy. When we finally feel ready to take those
first shaky steps, this is when Sheryl and Adam’s book is helpful.
Given Sandberg and Grant’s
business backgrounds, and their focus on success coming from working in
cooperation with others, it’s not surprising that this book is not the product
of two people, but the result of a team of people and researchers. At the end
of the book there are five pages of thank-yous.
This is how we survive grief
– with a community of support.
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