Many people, especially the caring and
thoughtful, want to help the
grieving, but if they haven’t experienced grief, they often say the wrong things. These
are some of the phrases I heard after my wife died. If you’re inclined to say
them to someone, don’t. Just, don't. Instead, ask how the person is doing, and then listen.
You will be okay. It’s better this way.
Really? My wife is gone
forever. That will never be okay with me.
Time heals all wounds.
Grief is not an illness like
the flu that will go away on its own. You can’t kiss this boo-boo away. Grief will
hang around until we face it.
* If you would like to read the rest of this post, let me know and I’ll send it to you. *
*
Earlier versions of this article have appeared in the Huffington Post and the Good Men Society.
So perfect. I have had this exact timeline. It's a long road and doesn't return one to anything previous. That is just one of the secondary losses. LIfe moves forward and while we are grieving we are continuing to change and evolve. It can be quite overwhelming and confusing. It's like a tidal wave has taken out our village and we are forced to be nomads for a long time. It strengthens the very fiber of our being. Unwillingly and without reward.
ReplyDeleteWhat you said is wonderful, Alice. Your image is great.
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