Every Wednesday

Every Wednesday I will post something about grief. Sometimes it will be a reflection on an aspect of grief’s landscape. Now and then I will share from my own journey of grief, because in the sharing of our stories we find strength and build a community of people that support one another.

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Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Grief is Everywhere, and Yet ...

Grief is the older woman who lost her husband twenty years ago. It’s the man who lost himself working eighty-hour weeks after his daughter died. It’s the young mother who lost a stillborn child. It’s the boy who grew up with one parent. It’s the death of a beloved pet.

Grief is the tree when its leaves turn yellow and fall off. It’s the river that no longer flows free because it’s been dammed for irrigation. It’s the mountain with its forest, creeks and meadows, torn apart for the coal underneath. It’s the air filled with pollution that kills the birds, that falls as rain on the earth and kills the plants and fish.

Grief is the coffee I drink, picked by underpaid workers in Honduras. It’s the dress shirt I wear, made by children who have no time to play in Bangladesh. It’s my smart phone assembled in places like China and India now toxic with processing chemicals.
Grief is my tiredness because I don’t sleep, worried about not getting through tomorrow. It’s the added pounds because I eat late at night trying to find comfort because she’s gone. It’s the numbing of my thoughts as I drink too much, feeling that nothing I do will ever matter again.

Grief is my hug that is light because I don’t want to hurt you more than life already has.

Grief is at the end of emails I sign “thinking of you” instead of “love” because I don’t want to get too close and risk another loss. It’s my eyes as I look away, wishing I could do more than say, “I’m sorry.” It’s the tired stranger I see on the street who has losses I don’t know about.

And yet …

Grief is when I see you loaded down with packages and I hold the door open. It’s when I get something for you from the top shelf in the store. It’s taking care of your vegetable garden as you endure another round of chemo. It’s going into the fields to pick up the contents of your home after a tornado has ripped it apart.

It’s not love that impels me to help you. It’s what I’ve learned because of grief. I know how important moments of kindness were when I was feeling alone, abandoned, defeated, depressed.

Grief has unclenched my hands enough to share what I have with you. It has deepened my breath enough to allow me to laugh with you again, even though we both know that suffering will continue. Grief has lightened my feet to dance today simply because music is playing and we need to dance if we are going to have any hope of surviving. We need to dance.

Grief has freed me to care about you. Call it love if you want. I call it grief.

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