When we lose someone we love, we become members of the Grief Café. It doesn’t matter who died or under what circumstances, we loved them and our hearts have broken and are leaking. There are no dues and only one initiation rite, which we’ve already gone through. A look in the eyes is enough to tell who belongs.
But to participate in the Grief Café, you have to open the door.
When we realize that we don’t grieve well by ourselves, when we tire of family and friends muttering platitudes, desperate to find something helpful to say, we search for people who understand grief without us having to explain.
In the Grief Café we accept each other as we are. We share what grief is doing in our lives today, and we listen to each other. We help each other uncover the way that each of us needs to grieve. We do not say, “It will be okay,” because it will never be okay that our loved one died. We do not say, “It’s time that you moved on,” because that’s something each person has to decide.
Members of the Grief Café are not always obvious when we’re walking down the street. Even though we need to talk more about grief and death in our society, it’s considered rude to come up to people at a party and ask “Are you grieving?” But if we overhear someone talking about sorrow or death, we know the chapter of grief they’re in, and draw close seeking fellowship.
On some days, we may seem indifferent to news of another tragedy because sometimes all the death and suffering going on in the world become too much. On some days our own grief overwhelms us and we have to step away from people for a time. We’re not surprised by the news, because we know that people die unexpectedly, and too many die young, but inside we feel our hearts and spirits drop.
In fellowship with each other, we find support and strength. We will never give in to death, nor let each other give up.
The Grief Café has many members, including some who won’t admit they belong.
(an early version of this was published by Mindful Matter)
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