What we can do for those who
are grieving is a matter of compassion,
of kindness that comes from concern for the wellbeing of the other person.
Whatever you say or do, do it with compassion, with kindness that goes beyond
politeness. Let your heart respond to the person who is grieving.
Be honest.
Your inclination is to want to find the right words that will take the pain
away. You won’t. The pain is going to be there no matter what you say. This
frees you up to be honest with the person who is grieving. You can say things
like, “Look, I don’t know what to say, but I care about you.” or “Grief really
makes me uneasy, but I want to help. I don’t want you to feel alone in this.”
* If you would like to read the rest of this post, let me know and I’ll send it to you. *
such good sincere advice. it is so hard for most people and even though I have been through it, I am still not the best at it either. I have started letting people know when they think I should be farther along this path I got thrown on that no one can decide how much time it takes from one step to another. Everyone is going to experience it differently. It has now been almost 34 months, the only person that is talking to me that seems to get it is my sister who knew us all our married lives. thanks Mark for putting this in words as a guideline. Take care.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome, Melody. Helping those who are grieving shouldn't seem so scary.
Delete"But if we’re good friends, then sending cards is not enough. It’s not a substitute for coming over for coffee." This is such a true statement! I get only texts and emails and what I long for is to hear a human voice talking to me and to be physically present in the same room and maybe even a touch from a hand!
ReplyDeleteYou are so right, Joan. Sometimes, when words fail, we simply need the physical presence of someone else.
ReplyDelete