Every Wednesday

Every Wednesday I will post something about grief. Sometimes it will be a reflection on an aspect of grief’s landscape. Now and then I will share from my own journey of grief, because in the sharing of our stories we find strength and build a community of people that support one another.

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Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Where Is She Now?


Journal entry 17
The options for where Evelyn is now seem to be heaven or hell, according to the traditional Christian schematics, with purgatory thrown in by the Catholics as a temporary transit station if needed.  
Even though the notion that heaven physically exists in the clouds was dispelled when we started flying planes through them, the notion that there is a place called “heaven” still prevails in western civilization.  
We are in a place of not knowing.

And not knowing, the simplest way to view this, and prevent me from descending into madness trying to figure it out, is to conclude that since Evelyn was a good person, she is in a good place, whatever that place is like, and whatever the process is for her moving through to wherever she needs to go. 
Trying to figure out what that place is like is futile. I’m never going to know for sure while I'm in this world. After I'm dead, I might say something like, "Well, I didn't expect THIS!" or "That's kind of what I thought." or maybe even “I had no idea this was even possible!” 

Until that time, I will simply miss Evelyn, and I keep her in my thoughts as much as I can because it brings me consolation that someone once loved me enough to put up with all of my peculiarities and tastes in life, like my love  for Monty Python, The Thin Man, and The Maltese Falcon.

Tonight I light candles to celebrate that her light in my life has not gone out.

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