Every Wednesday

Every Wednesday I will post something about grief. Sometimes it will be a reflection on an aspect of grief’s landscape. Now and then I will share from my own journey of grief, because in the sharing of our stories we find strength and build a community of people that support one another.

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Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Coming in on the Breeze: Spirits

Journal entry 16

There have been moments recently when I felt that Evelyn was close. I’m not sure what to make of them. 

Part of me would like an apparition to appear, for Ev to show up and say what she wanted to say before she had to go, not having the chance because of how quickly she died. I’d prefer that she show up during the day because being awakened at night seems so jarring, with her standing at the foot of the bed all ghostly and white and probably with a strange expression.

Part of me would like some kind of assurance that she is okay where she is, and that everything will be okay for me. From what others originally told me, my grieving should be over by now. John says otherwise, and he is walking grief’s road a year ahead of me.

These moments of spirit have been a sudden puff of air, a slight touch on my arm, a phrase not my own that shows up and seems full of meaning and insight. Are they the beginning of something more, or Evelyn signaling her final goodbye?

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