Who I am.

I write about the landscape of grief, nature, and the wisdom of fools. The author of four books, my essays, poems, and reviews have been published in over 50 journals, including in the Huffington Post and Colorado Review. I’ve won the River Teeth Nonfiction Book Award, the Chautauqua and Literal Latte’s essay prizes, and my work has been nominated for four Pushcart Prizes and named a notable by Best American Essays. My account of hiking in Yosemite to deal with my wife’s death, Mountains of Light, was published by the University of Nebraska Press. http://www.markliebenow.com.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Pets and Grief

(My thanks to Alison Townsend for the idea of writing about this.)



For the first three years of their lives, my cats grew up with Evelyn and me. Then Evelyn died. Even though they are not able to tell  me what they remember about Evelyn, they still connect me to her. They knew her. They hold her caring for them. Much of how they to relate to humans they learned through her interactions. She loved them, and we were a family of four. When they die, that family that knew her will end.

* If you would like to read the rest of this post, let me know and I’ll send it to you. *


4 comments:

  1. I have thought often of getting a pet. Stan wanted to get a cat, but they were never my favourite animal, so we never got around to it. Shortly before he died we watched a documentary called "The Secret Life of Cats" and he said, "look how great they are, BooBoo, how can you not like cats?" And so I said we could go and get one. We were going to start looking for one once we got through his son's funeral. Then he died. I am sorry, now, that we didn't get a cat for him. One of my multitude of regrets. Now I am leery of getting a pet because I just could not fathom how it would feel to lose it. Maybe one day... Thanks for this, Mark.

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    1. Having to bury a pet is almost a given. With spouses and friends we can put off thinking about who is going to die first. But with pets, we know. And knowing, even after a pet has had a full and wonderful life, does not make it any easier.

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  2. After my husband was killed I noticed my dog would bark when she heard his keys. She wouldn't bark at hearing mine( we had the same keys on our key rings and since his were sitting there I would grab them sometimes) The locks were changed so I didn't grab his keys anymore and put them in a drawer where he kept keys and other misc stuff. A few days ago I was looking for something and picked up the keys and remembered what she used to do and looked at her and she had perked up but had an odd face.(It's hard to explain but one gets to know their pets) When there is stressful commotion in the house she sits near his motorcycle in the garage which she didn't do before. It would make sense pets would grieve too, and want to cheer us up when we need it.

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    1. They know more than they let on, especially cats. Sounds and smells, they bring the memories back.

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