Every Wednesday

Every Wednesday I will post something about grief. Sometimes it will be a reflection on an aspect of grief’s landscape. Now and then I will share from my own journey of grief, because in the sharing of our stories we find strength and build a community of people that support one another.

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Sunday, June 22, 2014

Reweaving Burned Threads

Contrary to what Dante says, I can’t remember ever being happy. I don’t recall how those moments felt or what the days looked like, not with Evelyn, not with anyone. Without joy the past has no texture, no anchors to hold me in place.

Grief isn’t going away. Those who are brave enough to say more than “I’m sorry” are surprised that I’m still mourning a month later, as if grief was a wound that would heal on its own instead of being something that burned away a layer of the sky, leaving sunlight bright and hot.

Emotions have burned away, too, leaving scar tissue in their place. I haven’t smiled in a long time. I feel nothing except sorrow. One day I may care about others again. One day I may let go of grief and get out of this dark room without windows, this damp, earthen room rooted with shadows and whispers, and embrace the joy and goodness that still apparently exists. But that day is not here ....

This essay, “Reweaving Burned Threads,” was published recently by Saint Katherine Review, chosen by creative nonfiction editor Kathleen Norris, and edited by Scott Cairns.

Although you will have to buy a copy to read it, you can order Issue 4:2 at: http://www.stkath.org/skc-press/review/

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