Every Wednesday

Every Wednesday, I will post something about grief. Sometimes it will be a reflection on an aspect of grief’s landscape. Now and then I will share from my own journey of grief, because in the sharing of our stories we find strength and build a community of people that support one another. To follow, please leave your email address.

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Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Two Months In

Journal entry 15

At the end of two months, I’m basically numb.  

I must be out of shock by now, but I don't know how you measure that. I also think that the despair of my situation is settling in. I don’t care about much of anything and go through the motions of the day simply to get to where I can go back to bed. With our long-range dreams wiped out, I realize how much I lived for them, how much they pulled me out of bed in the morning.  

In working for what I thought would come tomorrow, I ceased to live today. Now Evelyn's gone, and my work for our future has gone for naught.

This is a big deal. If I do not live in the moment and celebrate at least a little bit, do I live at all? I have to find new a new dream, and I have to learn to celebrate what is here today, even in the midst of sorrow.

Good things do not stop happening simply because I'm not in the mood.

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