Every Wednesday

Every Wednesday I will post something about grief. Sometimes it will be a reflection on an aspect of grief’s landscape. Now and then I will share from my own journey of grief, because in the sharing of our stories we find strength and build a community of people that support one another.

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Thursday, January 20, 2011

Burned Away

Reluctantly I’ve come to accept grief as part of life.  
I used to say that death burned away a layer of the sky because when I went outside the sunlight seemed too bright and hot, as if one of the filters between me and the sun had been taken away.  
Now grief feels like a weight that I always carry with me. This stands to reason. If Evelyn had been a major part of my life for a long time, then I’m never going to forget her, and my feelings of missing her aren’t going to disappear.

There’s also acceptance of the wild swings of emotions that grief released. I was rather stoic about life before, and I’m enjoying letting myself feel whatever I’m feeling. But I’m worried that I’ll shut these emotions down and go back to my old, even-keel ways. I know that I’m still likely to cry whenever people talk about feeling lost because of a death. I’m okay with this.

I will always feel sorrow for the life that ended too soon, as well as for our dreams that will never be. I’m trying to live with this. Now, when others are grieving, I know some of the things I can say and do to help them.

One day we will all smile again. If not this month, then the next.

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